Hamlet 2
by Sanya Kielo
Summary: All Dialogue AU- Riku can't understand why Sora is dancing around the kitchen singing "Rock Me Sexy Jesus."


**Authors Note: **Holy cow! I can't believe I'm already putting out another fic! True, it's all dialogue, but I always wanted to do one of those. : ) And now I have! So yeah, just be warned that it might get a little confusing. I tried to make it as least confusing as possible, but when I can picture what's going in my head and you can't some confusion is bound to occur. This is also inspired by the movie, _Hamlet 2_ that my friends and I fell in love with. In other words, it's a pathetic advertisement in order to get you to see the movie. -_-'

**Disclaimer: **No, I do not own the characters from Kingdom Hearts. If I did I would be super rich and happy and not in college right now. I also don't own the movie _Hamlet 2_, but you should definitely see it even if I make no money from it. GO, NOW.

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**__**Hamlet 2**_

**AKA**

**Riku's Plight**

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[Singing]

"Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus. He died for our sins, you got to believe us. Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus all night long…"

"Uh, Sora?"

"Yes, Riku?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm singing! You know, you don't have to look so surprised."

"I'm not surprised."

"Then, what's the look for?"

"Your stupidity"

"…I resent that"

[Shrugs]

"It's the truth. Why else would you be dancing around the kitchen like you're in some sort of crazed musical singing about a sexy Jesus? Isn't that, like, sacrilegious or something?"

"I don't know about the sacrilege thing, but as for the rest…because it's fun! And it's a funny movie!"

"What is?"

"What's what?"

"The movie"

"What about a movie?"

"Grrrr, the movie! The movie that's so funny it caused you to torture every ear in existence with your singing! What's _that_ movie?"

"…my singing's bad?"

"ARGH!"

"Heh, heh, come on now, Riku. No need to get so upset, I was just joking."

"Joking?"

"Yeah, the movie was _Hamlet 2_"

"_Hamlet 2_?"

"Yes, and you can drop the eyebrow."

"Doesn't everyone die in _Hamlet_?"

"I think so, but I've never read or seen it so…"

"So?"

"I dunno. Anyway, the movie isn't exactly a _Hamlet 2_; it's just about a drama teacher who creates a sequel to _Hamlet_ in order to save the drama department from certain destruction."

_"Oh__-kay_"

"Although, they do show the class performing scenes from the play…"

[Giggling]

"Sora, did you hit your head or something?"

"No, I've never felt better!"

"…did Selphie feed you Pop Rocks again?"

"_Maaay_be?"

[Bang]

"You know Riku, you shouldn't do that, it's bad for your health – you lose brain cells."

"That's nice to know."

"Mhm, anyway you should really watch it. I bet you'd like it."

"Whatever."

[Sings]

"Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus…"

"Sora! Riku! Are you guys here – oh, there you are."

"Hey, Kairi."

"Hi, Kairi!"

"Hey guys, what's up?"

"Sora's lost his marbles."

"Metaphorically or literally?"

"Metaphorically"

"And literally!"

[Blink]

[Blink]

[Stare at Sora]

"Seriously, I think Roxas stole them!"

"Right, well that's nothing new I guess."

"Hey! Just because I've added _Hamlet 2_ to my faves doesn't mean I'm crazy!"

[Snort]

"Shut up, Riku."

"_Hamlet 2_? Is that what this is all about?"

"Basically"

"Why? _Hamlet 2's_ the best."

[Evil laughter]

"Take that, Riku! Kairi's on my side!"

"I mean, the curses are hilarious and the guy's a _total_ loser…"

"_Kairi…_"

"Oh stop whining, Riku, it's a good movie."

[Sings]

"I know the topic of rape is unpleasant…"

"Raped in the face!"

[Groan]

[Laughter]

"Although, I do have to wonder how you haven't seen it yet, Rik. I'd have thought that you and Sora would've watched it together."

"No, just me and Roxas and Tidus."

"No Wakka?"

"He had to help coach Little League."

"Oh, well that makes sense."

"Yeah…"

"…"

"…"

[Light bulb]

"Heeey, Rikuuuuu…."

"What?"

"What are you doing today?"

"Nothing much, my mom just wanted me to mow the lawn."

"Good! You're coming with me!"

[Grab]

"Hey! Sora, stop, let go!"

"Come on Riku, you have to watch it sometime."

"Kairi, you betrayer."

"It's a good movie. Now, sit down, shut up, tune in, not out, and stop acting like a ninny before I get violent, kapeesh?"

"…kapeesh. You know, you can be scary sometimes, Kairi."

"Woot! Don't worry Riku; you'll be laughing in no time."

"Or not"

"That too, but my money's on laughter."

"Shhhhhh! It's starting."

"It's just the previews, Kai."

"Doesn't matter, I like watching the previews. Now, be quiet!"

"I hate you both."

"Shhhhhh!"

**::One Hour and 1,000 Laughs Later::**

"You liked it!"

"…yeah"

"You don't have to sound so put out."

"But I wasn't supposed to like it!"

"You laughed though"

"Yeah, well the part where he screamed at the cat would crack anyone up."

"Now do you understand why I was dancing around the kitchen singing 'Rock Me Sexy Jesus'?"

"Oddly enough, yes, yes I do. That song is _still_ stuck in my head."

"I move that we randomly improve 'Rock Me Sexy Jesus' in the school cafeteria tomorrow!"

"Great idea, Kairi! But, maybe not tomorrow, we'd need more people."

"I bet Selphie, Tidus, Roxas, Olette, and the others would help us."

"Has _everyone_ seen this movie?"

"Everyone except Wakka. We'll have to show it to him first."

"…"

"…"

"…"

[Grins]

"Let's go!"

"Wait Sora, Kairi, Wakka might be busy right now!"

"Oh stop worrying Riku; you're going to get wrinkles. You want to see the movie again, right? Don't try to deny it."

"Fine, I wouldn't mind seeing the movie again…but that doesn't mean we go barging into his house."

"I'm calling Tidus! He'll probably want to watch the movie too."

[Runs for phone]

"I'm sorry Riku, but when it comes to the seriousness of _Hamlet 2_ it appears you lose."

[Walks away]

[Sigh]

"I _always _lose…"

[Sings]

"Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus…"

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**Authors Note: **Wow, that was worse than I thought. I think this will be the last dialogue fic I ever do again, it wasn't very funny. Hmmm, new project time!


End file.
